7 Ways Meditation Can Help You Be a Better Ally

A Path to Understanding

It’s been two months since the world stood in horror at the sight of a black man, George Floyd, being murdered by a police officer. Overnight, millions of us across the world rose up. Marching in the streets, reaching out to our friends, neighbors, and elected officials. White Americans stung by an ugly reality that we have previously had the luxury of turning from. Millions continue to rise up, to work on themselves, to understand white privilege, and take steps in becoming a better ally.

If you’re reading this, you are probably an individual who understands that change is necessary. You are becoming aware of the emotional labor the black community has been experiencing their whole life. You know you can never understand it, but you can acknowledge it’s a real thing. You can make the decision to do better.

Meditation is a great way to work through the unease you’re most likely feeling. After all, it’s hard to admit to oneself the social and racial biases you hold. Coming to grips anger, misunderstanding, and attack are very real feelings for all humans, and exactly the kind of raw emotions meditation can guide you through.

Below are 7 ways meditation can help you become a better ally. You can draw upon these to help fight for a more united nation.

1. Oneness

Everything is connected. The great civil rights leader Fannie Lou Hamer noted that “nobody’s free until everybody’s free.” What you experience, I experience. Our life experiences however may have guided us down very different paths based on systemic racism. Understanding that the way you see the world isn’t the only way to see the world. Meditation guides us to a deep sense of connection towards all. This is important when we talk about being an ally because it helps us to honor our similarities and our differences.

By saying things like I don’t see color you are denying others of their identity. Rather we must acknowledge seeing this difference, so we can begin steps towards understanding our own privilege and bias.

2. Allow yourself to be uncomfortable

I cannot stress this enough. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. It is key to growth in all areas of your life. I bet you feel very uncomfortable talking about your own racial bias’. You are waking up to the social unrest around you, and there’s no turning back. It’s going to get uncomfortable, and it is not up to the black community to make you feel comfortable for working on yourself. It is up to you to realize that perhaps your words, actions, and beliefs could be part of the problem.

Notice how you react when someone points out your privilege. Do you immediately get defense as I do? Thinking, But I’m not a bad person.

Common reactions are

• Trying to talk your way out of discomfort
• Feeling shameful, confused, anxious, or attacked
• Getting defensive, angry, or helpless

These are all very normal reactions to any growth work. Instead of squirming about, sit with it. Let it fill you, and let it be uncomfortable. Ask yourself why is this comment or thought making me feel this way? Try to understand the root cause. Create space for yourself to be open and accepting of whatever comes up. This is the groundwork to change.

3. Let Anger Be There

When a child is getting all riled up about something you’ll often hear the parent reminding them to breathe. To pause and take a couple deep breathes. This is solid advice. When we get angry we begin to breathe in our chest, very shallow. Imagine living your life in anger at a system that is set up to continually oppress you. Your breathing would be more shallow, and the less air we take in, the more agitated we become. Feeling anger is an appropriate response to witnessing injustice. You should be mad. The black community is tired, they are angry, and it is completely valid, and dare I say necessary for us to hold space for that anger. You do not need to say or do anything when a black person is passionately speaking their truth. All you need to do is offer them space for that emotion to be acknowledged. Meditation helps us feel more centered and calm so we can create breathing room for all marginalized communities. It is when we allow room for this anger to be released that the possibility for real discussion can begin.

Let it be complex. Hold that space for yourself and others. Not everything is as simple as we want it to be. We are all here because we are looking for ways to be a better ally, human, and citizen. We cannot do that if we shy away from the pain each other is feeling. Lean into it. Let the complexity of the situation be heard. Take some deep breaths and accept it as a part of our universal growth.

4. Be Curious

As you meditate you will notice your own biases float to the surface. It’s easy to judge your thoughts and emotions as good or bad. But a mindful practice means accepting what you’re feeling, and getting curious about it. At the moment you hear yourself in judgment about your thoughts, stop and ask,

• Why is this emotion/thought so upsetting?
• Why do I clench my jar or tighten my shoulders when this person or situation comes to mind?
• Why do I feel helpless about what I’m experiencing?

You will begin to notice little shifts within your body and mind as you come to understand what’s at the core of an issue. Showing kindness and curiosity helps us to see the humanity in everyone. Finding ways to get curious about understanding social justice from another perspective will help you see beyond your own experience.

5. Be Vulnerable

“Vulnerability is not about winning or losing. It’s having the courage to show up even when you can’t control the outcome.” -Brene Brown

Racism is a scary subject to have a conversation about. It requires allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. You may find that you are alone in these difficult situations. It can be challenging to navigate, and confront your own racism in the process. If these things weren’t scary and didn’t have us all feeling so vulnerable we wouldn’t be talking about it now. Learning to mindfully speak up for the truth in a difficult situation is part of your meditation practice. It’s easy to show up and do the work when you are surrounded by allys. The real work comes when you speak up when no one is watching you. A joke in the office, a slur at a dinner engagement. It’s important to remember that this is a practice. Being vulnerable helps bridge misunderstandings. It says I don’t know the answer but I’m working on being better.

It’s scary, but I promise, just like learning to meditate, it will get easier with practice. It takes a lot of courage to speak up and be seen. Meditate on that. Meditate on being more vulnerable. See yourself being more courageous, and watch that begin to show up more and more in your daily life.

6. Practice Self-Care

Meditation is self-care. Anytime you create space to look within for answers you are working on self-care. Self-reflection is your inner guide. Your personal map to discovering the secrets that create your life. If you’re worried about the wellbeing of your black friends and family check in on them. Do it mindfully. The world feels extra heavy right now, so try to not add to the exhaustion they’re already feeling. They have their own self-care practice to work on. An internal map designed very differently by the constructs of this system we live in.

Opening the door of communication to say I see you, I’m learning, and I’m here is a great step. Then it is up to the other person how to proceed.

A lot of curtains are being dropped right now. Exposing the ugliness that laid behind it. This is a lot to process, so don’t burn yourself out. Self-care is about finding the space that works for your growth and allowing others to do the same.

7. Keep Showing Up

Bearing witness to the suffrage we are all experiencing takes work. It’s not going away any time soon, and it’s not about doing something one time and setting the issue down. Just like meditation, if you want to experience the benefits, you have to put in the work. Showing up over and over again. This means you continue to take meaningful steps towards a more just world.

It can get overwhelming, and it’s important to rest and digest all that you are processing. In order to continue to show up, you must first center yourself. Use meditation to keep yourself grounded as you’re guided to where to go next.

It’s Not All Black & White

Life has a lot of gray areas. You are not going to be a hero here. It is not important for you to demonstrate what a great ally you are. It’s important to be a good ally. That is going to look different for every single one of us. You are working on yourself and that is fantastic. It’s honestly the best thing you can do. Leave space open for all marginalized communities to be seen and heard. Witness them, do not try to lead them, but rather be led by them. By showing up you are part of the solution. Showing solidarity comes in many forms. When you use meditation as a path you will be open to new discoveries. Allowing your mind to be more flexible, and able to recognize injustice more clearly. Remember to breathe. Breath flows in and out of all of us. A constant giving and receiving. Create space between the giving and receiving for unity and connection to grow.