Watch Your Friends Fail

And love them anyways

Tonight you watched a friend fail to get elected to the City council. 6 candidates were interviewed and 22 applied. She would have made a great councilwoman.

It was a vote made by the council, not the public because the new mayor was a former councilman. Leaving his seat open. A call was put out to the public and 22 citizens stepped up. Each council member nominated a candidate to move to the interview stage. Your friend was one of those 6! Obviously, she got picked, there is seriously no one who could do a better job. She’s amazing. Like a true superwoman, raising two boys. Successfully maintaining and growing in a full-time job. And way too many sports and activities boards to count. Some days you never even get off the couch. And here she is doing it all with ease. It makes you tired just thinking about it. So you know, she’s a bright star. I mean, she’s your friend.

Taking the Leap

When she asked you if she should apply, you said, of course, she should. And when she asks you to write a reference for the application, you’re all, one step ahead of your girlfriend, as you whip out an elevator speech you just wrote up about how awesome she is. Then boom. She Naturally makes it to the interview section. You’re sure she nailed her interview. I mean you’ve seen her work a room. She’s already super involved in the community and it seems like she knows all the players.

Showing Up

Now here you are. Walking into City hall on a rainy Monday night. You head into the council chambers and see your amazing friend. She’s as nervous as a jitterbug and so happy to see your friendly face. She jumps up and hugs you. All the other candidates are there too. And all of them are equally tense. Tonight the council votes. It’s quiet and no one is talking. Small talk here and there. Everyone is anxious, and you can cut the air with a knife.

Others in the room include some very involved, very worthy candidates. You know them, they are the people whose resumes are full of boards they serve on, and important jobs and titles they’ve helped. You’re impressed. Your girlfriend is up on the top shelf, sitting with the town stars. It’s so inspiring. I mean your girlfriend put herself out there, and you somehow feel her empowerment.

But here she sits next to you and she is nervous. Instead of trying to fill space with chatter you sit there in solitude with your friend waiting for the council to begin.

The Suspense Builds

Lucky for you it was the first order of business. You are relieved. Thinking thank goodness we can put these poor candidates little hearts to rest. Each council member has a chance to go on and on thanking everyone who applied. One by one they commented on how hard the decision was, and how each one of them would do a fine job. You are about to get up and yell at them to just vote already. The suspense has gotten to you too. Just when you think you can’t handle the stress anymore they begin to vote. One by one. Not a single person voted for this incredible woman so nervously sitting next to you.

Not one single vote.

You feel discouraged. Both your friends and your own. One vote would have been nice. Your mind starts to think of how to proceed with comforting your friend when you leave. And all you want to do now is get your friend and yourself out of this situation. The next few minutes are a blur. Everyone claps when they make their choice official, and just like that, they’re off to the next line of business. No big speeches. Just a polite clap.

After the Fall

You see your opportunity. You waste no time. You stand up and say let’s go. You take your girlfriend’s arm and together head out of council chambers. By the time you hit the elevator, 2 other candidates have joined you.

Immediately you get annoyed that one of those two joiners is the newly elected. Telling your friend how amazing she is and how she’s humbled by the council’s decision and want an honor considering the competition. She’s correct. Any of them would have made a fine choice, and this lady, the one picked has a huge resume of community activity and involvement and will no doubt do a great job. However, you are here to support and protect your friend who’s feeling vulnerable. You know she doesn’t need this right now. Ugh. But They hug and you all fall into these social niceties.

You can see your friend doing her best to not let you know she’s feeling rejected. As the elevator goes down so does her spirit. You know she wants to crawl up and hide. She’s embarrassed for you to see her vulnerability.

You see it. It’s beautiful. Because that’s the beauty of friendship. You see the best in your friends. They inspire you to try more things. They cheer you on as you set up for a new challenge.

Risk Feeling Vulnerable

We all want our friends to be successful. And we have the privilege of seeing them for who they are. Not the face they put on out in their life. True friends. If you’re lucky enough you have one. Watch them fail. Sit with them anyway.

Be there to see them risk their ego. To go into an unknown arena. Let them be a reminder of the beauty of falling down. Always pushing outside their limit to be better. To rise and fall and get back up again knowing no matter what, the friends in your life want you to succeed.

So often we judge people for falling down. As a society we love it. We build celebrities up just to knock them down. The media is great at encouraging this mindset. We all want to be on the winning team.

Be a Friend

What we don’t often see is the blood sweat and tears that go into an individual’s success. That’s why friends are so important. Watching a friend fail is an opportunity. It reminds you that failing does not define a person. Failing is a part of success. And when we see that in our friends, as a whole picture of their own triumphs, it helps us to do the same.

If you’re anything like me, you have some demons in your head. Keeping you from going for the things you want in life because you don’t want to fail. You think failure would define you. Everyone would remember how silly you were for thinking you could actually accomplish something big, or out of your element. Watching your friends fail helps counter that negative self-talk. Reminds you that what others take away from what you see as failure is an opportunity to try. To rise above and grow.

That’s what I see when my friends go out on a limb in search of greater fruit. Truth be told, I have never really seen any of my friends fail. I’ve watched them go out and try things that didn’t work out. Mostly for the best. So why can’t we see it this way in our own lives? Watching your friends fail might be one of the most important things we can do. Be vulnerable together. Push each other. Inspire each other towards greatness. And be confident that it’s not the failures that define us, but the strength we give to ourselves and others when we try.